Becoming Ourselves While Raising Someone Rare
What Is Individuation?
Individuation is becoming your truest self—not just the version shaped by roles or expectations, but the version formed when all the pieces of your identity align.
In rare parenting, it can feel like we disappear into caregiving. We become researchers, therapists, advocates, protectors. Somewhere in all that, a question whispers:
Who am I now?
That’s individuation. And it still belongs to you.
Individuation for the Parent
When your child has a rare, life-altering diagnosis, the spotlight shifts to them. But individuation reminds us: your growth matters too.
Ask yourself:
- Am I living reactively, or intentionally?
- What parts of me have been buried?
- What new strengths have I discovered?
- What do I still need to reclaim?
This isn’t selfish—it’s survival with integrity. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Individuation for the Child
Individuation also belongs to your child—maybe especially so.
They are more than a diagnosis. The way you support their identity shapes everything.
You help them individuate when you:
- Let them make age-appropriate choices
- Celebrate strengths and honor struggles
- Give them words to describe their own story
- Let them tell it in their own voice when ready
Diagnosis should never be the whole story.
The Dance Between Us
Rare parenting is a balancing act.
You’re building your own wholeness while helping your child build theirs.
You’re advocating fiercely while trying to hold space for your own breath.
You’re protecting their future while grieving the version you once imagined.
It’s sacred, complicated work—often unseen.
You Are Not Alone
Individuation is uneven, messy, beautiful.
- Some days it’s a breakthrough.
- Other days it’s just brushing your teeth in peace.
- Sometimes it’s writing, crying, or laughing when you didn’t think you could.
Wherever you are—you are still becoming. And your becoming matters.
Reflection Prompts
Want to go deeper? Journal on these:
- What have I lost that I want to reclaim?
- What parts of me have grown unexpectedly?
- Who am I outside of caregiving?
- What legacy am I building for my child—not just in care, but in identity?
SPG 4 Denovo 
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